Industrialist and Philanthropist John Lumic Releases Must-Have COVID Vaccine

Christian Cawley
John Lumic

Plagued by reports of ill-health, John Lumic, speaking from his airship above his adopted home country, announced that his teams have developed a COVID vaccine – available from today.

In a brief announcement, Lumic’s automaton PA outlined the details of the vaccine, before handing over the visibly tired businessman.

“I am governed by greater laws… The right of a man to survive. Skin of metal, and a body that will never age or die. I envy it!” When asked for clarification, a spokesman emphasised that the vaccine was free, available now, and Lumic’s poetry “isn’t what it was.”

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