PROSECCO TO FOLLOW
Christian Cawley
Skilled shirker
British Actor Dropped by Agent for Subconsciously Upsetting People
A notable British actor has been dropped by his agent following a series of mild observations on Twitter and TV talk shows.
Duke of Manhattan Reminds Citizens He Has “Always Been President”
MORE TO FOLLOW PENDING CLEARANCE FROM THE DUKE
Covid Tiers Unite Daleks in Furious Rebellion
MORE-TO-FOLLOW
BBC: New Question Time Format “will halt ratings decline”
Following news that flagship political discussion show Question Time has lost over 7 million viewers in under a decade, BBC producers are developing a new format that will: Provide more viewer interaction “Brexit” discussions to be banned Introduce a new host to replace Fiona Bruce’s eyebrows Leave the least popular […]
Eccentric Botanist Criticises Cut In Foreign Aid Budget
Speaking from his green cathedral, Sir Harrison Chase has also challenged minsters to combat the barbaric practice of bonsai, limit the sale of aubergines, and ban Christmas trees.
Govt Spokesman Outlines New Tier System Rules
Accusations system is “too complicated” batted away. Following direct questioning, Sol3 has learned that along with 4000 maximum spectators for football, cricket restrictions have been lifted. The rules are as follows: Cricket isn’t banned unless you’re from the north and have a note from matron. If attending, sit next to […]
Fondue Set Sales Rocket in Run Up to Christmas
In wholly unrelated news, John Barrowman guest stars in the Christmas Doctor Who, Revolution of the Daleks.
Industrialist and Philanthropist John Lumic Releases Must-Have COVID Vaccine
Plagued by reports of ill-health, John Lumic, speaking from his airship above his adopted home country, announced that his teams have developed a COVID vaccine – available from today. In a brief announcement, Lumic’s automaton PA outlined the details of the vaccine, before handing over the visibly tired businessman. “I […]
Galactic “Remember Your Favourite Fancy Dress” Finals
Current champion President Chop Suey will combat challenger President John Smith as the final ticket of a full event on Karn tonight. Highlights in the run-up to the main event include fire eating by the Sisterhood of Karn, an open house at Condo’s Condo, and a violin recital by Mehendri […]
Furloughed Actors Find Winter Work as Curates and Reverends
Theological college reports surge in applications from Equity members. NEXT: Wolves are running out of time to avoid relegation battle, says ex-captain.
Home Secretary Cleared of Bullying Civil Servants
Independent enquiry clears controversial politician, Home Office civil servants left “feeling vulnerable.”