Government scientists claim that the DNA of a mild-mannered Australian man who died almost 30 years ago has been used to create an army of clones designed to subvert democracy, freedom, and civilization itself. Professor Max Ramsay, formerly of NASA, has spent the past 15 years tracking down incidents of […]
Christian Cawley
Skilled shirker
Supreme Dalek Defends Davros Knighthood
Following the Dalek Emperor’s New Year’s honour for esteemed geneticist and architect of the Dalek race Davros, the Supreme Dalek has thrown its weight behind the award. Citing his role as the “one of the toughest jobs in the universe” the Supreme Dalek added that the move was “respectul… And […]
Dalek Emperor Promises Thals “will have rights”
Following the shock withdrawal of Earth and Draconian forces from the Dalek home planet of Skaro, the newly reinstated Emperor Dalek has offered a tentacle of friendship. Confirming Thals “will have rights” on the new Skaro, the Emperor emphasized his willingness to work with other groups. Recognizing that Earth and […]
Scientist Vanishes Seeking Out Big Clocks
Nyssa of Traken has recalled the last time she saw her father on this arbitrary annivesary of his vanishing from the consul quarters. “He told me there was a new clock he was interested in,” Nyssa told us, “and he absolutely had to go and see it. He said it […]
Inspiration for New Feminist Barbie Revealed
The inspiration for the new incarnation of Mattel’s iconic Barbie doll has been revealed. No longer a blonde bimbo bombshell, Barbie now has striking feminist credentials, and is based on former bus conductor Olive Rudge of Borehamwood, Hertfordshire. Now CEO of a successful Web 2.0 courier service, Ms Rudge told […]
BREAKING: Draconian Ambassador “Satisfied” Earth Quarantine Can End
Global leaders have begun to relax following the admission from the Draconian ambassador that Earth has done enough to deal with the galactic plague, signaling that quarantine may end. Unconfirmed reports indicate that galactic businesses based on Sol 3 are already gearing to resume trading with the colonial outposts, with […]
Angry AntiVrax Protesters Accuse BBC of Genocide
Stunning scenes in Central London yesterday as the unwashed hordes descended upon the long-vacated BBC Television Centre. It turned out, however, that protestors had found themselves outside the wrong address for the BBC, with Television Centre now a collection of small TV studios and flats. Unwilling to be put off, […]
Channel 4 Confirms New Run of Shockeye’s Kitchen Nightmares
Gordon Ramsay will not return to the show after the shock disappearance of the show’s producer, Joinson Dastari. His replacement is Shockeye o’ the Quawncing Grig, who is expected to offer challenging new menus to struggling establishments which will mix serving humans with a more sustainable menu. Shockeye’s Kitchen Nightmares […]
Vitex Tells Employees: “Be Less Human” to Silurian Coworkers
“Trust us on this” enthuses corporate giant with horrendous record of employee safety.
Prof Davros Insists Orchestra Performs in Mk 1 Travel Machines
School orchestra lead takes time out from genetic experiments to ensure Kaled High School is superior to Thal Academy at annual competition.
Collector Blames Patriarchy for Low Tax Revenues
In related news, Megropolis One lockdown continues.
Jethrik Investors Dismissive of Altrocks as Scringestone Value Rockets
Fiat currency crash to follow